Parfum Nostalgique Q&A/ Ask me Anything, June 2022

Bonjour, my darlings. I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been working on Parfum quite obsessively, and I realized that I’ve encountered a bit of a problem…

Well, maybe it’s the opposite of a problem.

You know how lots of creative people with big ideas and projects they’re enthusiastic about joke around and say they spend more time talking about their projects than actually doing them? I’m the opposite. I spend so much of my time working on this game, that I’ve never really written any legitimate information on it for people who are curious about the project.

So, I decided to ask my followers what they would like to know the most about Parfum Nostalgique, and answer the questions here.

I tried my best to answer all questions received in a way that reads like a fun little interview. If you asked me a question and you don’t see it, it means that the answer was probably lumped into another question! I hope you’ll enjoy this behind-the-scenes look at the thing I spend every waking moment on.

Disclaimer: I’m writing this after a day of very bad chronic pain. I am barely lucid. Do not take the way I write this as a reflection of how I write my work!

Q: Who is this game for?

A: This is a LONG one in my head, but I’ll try and make it as concise as possible.

I don’t think I can just say “cool gay people.” Can I say that? I guess I can. But there’s a few types of cool gay people I think might resonate with the story more than other cool gay people, and I’d like to address what I mean by that here.

• All my characters are what I like to call “trans-ambiguous.” This means that none of them have canon, set genders or sexes. If you ask me what Dashiell’s gender is, not even I know. If you ask me what genitalia Lupine has, not even I know. I’m trans, and rather than trying to represent a ton of specific gender identities, I prefer for it to simply be understood that many of my characters are implied to be trans, and that you are allowed to assign whatever gender or sex you see fit to them. Gender is the least important part of these characters’ development, but a very important part of their aesthetics. Their lack of gender specificity is partially on purpose and partially because I genuinely cannot comprehend how or why i HAVE to decide on a gender and sex for each character.
• I’m asexual. My main character is definitely not. He is an unapologetically allosexual vampire dom. Being asexual doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sex, it just means that I don’t feel sexual attraction to people. There are definitely asexuals who are sex-repulsed entirely, but I feel like that isn’t stated enough that sexual activity and sexual attraction can and do exist separately. Depiction of sexual activity for the sake of personal expression and aesthetics rather than attraction are a big part of this visual novel. Val’s clients are more interested in using him as a medium to carry out their personal fantasies than they are attracted to him. Asexuality is a very diverse identity, but I’m hoping this recontextualization of sex is one that makes at least a chunk of my asexual readers feel a little more seen.

I also think that this story, whether you’re gay or not, will be a smash hit with people exhausted with hiding their emotions, neurodivergencies, trauma, etc. from their friends and loved ones to avoid further pain. People who really want to blow the fuck up and express themselves, but know that it might cause them more harm than good when the people they value the most don’t have enough empathy to understand. People who have too many feelings, but no access to an environment conductive to meaningfully addressing them, this is a story for you.

Q: Tell us about your writing process.

A: Hold on, I gotta put my ADHD on the phone:

“Yeah hi, this is Rose’s ADHD. When Rose wants to write, she’s gotta get through me first. I only allow shit I think is fun to make it through the gates. Anything that felt like a chore to write or render isn’t making it into the game. If she doesn’t keep thinks fun, fresh, and sexy 24/7 I will pull the fire alarm in her brain. The indoor sprinklers will go off, and her day will be ruined. I know I’m a drama queen for doing this, but it’s all part of the plan.”

That’s pretty much it. I write and i write to my heart’s content, but always try and keep things new and fun, because if the story is fun and engaging for me to write, I can run with it without a problem. If it isn’t, it’s simply not getting done. If this game is a chore, it’s not getting done, so I’m simply always making this thing more and more fun for myself so I can keep focusing on it. It’s very rewarding, and I highly recommend doing this. Even if you don’t have a dopamine deficiency, like I do, imagine the power you can hold if you find fun in everything on a project you love.

Q: Talk about your main sources of inspiration for your characters.

A: Some people know this, some people don’t, but my main characters are actually based off of ball jointed dolls I’ve accumulated since I’m about 12 years old. If you’re unfamiliar with BJDs, they are often sold nude, eyeless, wigless, and paintless, with the collector being encouraged to customize their doll to their heart’s content. I used these dolls as a physical way to create my own characters, or maybe, the more accurate term is “friends.” I didn’t have to draw or write these characters and spend a ton of time developing them to experience them and be in their presence, because they were physical “beings” that I could “bond with.” I would sit and play games with them on my lap after a hard day, or hug them when I needed to feel loved, or take them out to photograph when I was lonely and bored.

I poured a lot of time and effort into these dolls that I no longer have the energy for, though I know that passion will come back someday. They grew and changed with me as a teenager, as I went through different phases and interests. Each doll has been painted and repainted, wig swapped, and style swapped so many times to keep these characters fresh for me, because I didn’t want to lose the bond I had with my dolls.

I have made the conscious decision not to involve my dolls any further in this project because of this. My characters as completely separate entities from the dolls they are based off of, and though in my mind, they may always be linked, they will never be the same people.

I want these characters to be completely given up to the masses, and for people to interpret them in whatever way they see fit. That’s something I’m GIDDY with excitement about seeing. I love it when fictional characters exist as much as little guys chilling in our heads as much as they do in the actual works they’re in, especially when those two interpretations of the characters work together to make up a well-rounded, fleshed-out, much more real-feeling person. My dolls cannot be part of this experience. They are physical items that belong to me. I can’t let them have any part of this.

Many characters look NOTHING like their original dolls, but I consider them to still be “born from” their original dolls in some way, because they would not exist without them. The biggest example I can think of is Saturday, who is a completely different gender, race, and age than the doll I originally based her off of. Saturday’s doll is heavily yellowed and damaged from age, and I was having a lot of trouble separating Saturday the doll from Saturday the character, so decided it would just be best to take her name and whatever aspects of her doll’s personality I felt would fit a completely new character, who is now only vaguely reminiscent to her in disposition. Saturday the doll and Saturday the character are now almost completely disconnected, with the only thread holding them together being that one would not exist without the other. Doll Saturday simply gave Parfum Saturday a referral.

On the other hand, her boyfriend, Lucian, is accurate to his doll down to the tattoos!

In case you’re curious, yes, I did get Lucian when I was about 14, the same time me and my little friends lusted after some random alt guy who worked at the grocery store while we listened to The GazettE and Tokio Hotel. I’m glad that energy made it into his final form!

Many aspects of these character designs at least very vaguely reflect the phase of my life when each doll was acquired. Lupine’s “floweriness,” along with his love of gardening and tea, started while I was a classical lolita at 16, and I got Val smack in the middle of discovering the joys of Showa 24 manga and Takarazuka at 18.

God, does it show!

For the record, I read Eroica after I conceptualized Val. I can’t look at Earl Dorian Red Gloria without thinking of him.

Dashiell’s doll is the only one I didn’t design myself. He was sent to me for free, when I was 14 years old, by someone who just needed the doll out of their house. Since then, he’s had the same wig and paint, because I just didn’t want to mess him up. It just felt like him to keep it for all this time. He was originally a very expensive doll, so it was an incredible stroke of luck to get him for free, but I also hear a lot about people giving up their expensive dolls after they learn about how spirits enjoy inhabiting small, hollow humanoid figures and feel that their dolls are possessed. I’m not worried about it now, though. It’s already too late, and whatever spirit was inside him has already crawled through my ear and into my brain.

You’ll notice in the game, Saturday wears exclusively kimono and yukata, because I started conceptualizing her while studying kitsuke and kimono sewing techniques. Modern kimono is very versatile, practical, and vast. People aren’t just wearing the seasonal motifs you see on antique kimono anymore. It’s the most fun to make outfits for Saturday because I get to experiment with pattern mixing and color combinations. Here’s one of her cute yukatas I made with a watercolor pattern I found on Clip Studio Paint:

I love her so much, I could die.

Q: What’s the sound experience going to be like re: music, voices, etc.?

A: I have a big, dumb jazz degree that I refuse not to use, which means that all the music IS being composed by me! I don’t have money to pay anyone else, and the sound design I’m looking for is VERY particular, so it’s best for me to do it myself. It’s nice to make music when I need to keep things fresh. Sometimes, my brain is fried from writing and drawing, and I need to switch it up a bit.

This is the theme for Oberon, a character who wasn’t supposed to make it into the main story, but… here we are! Those are his legs! I really hope you’ll all enjoy his character. He’s a little bit of a freak, so I know he’s not going to be for everyone, but his theme and his overall vibe just has the sweetest, sexiest gothic essence…

You can tell from this theme that I’ve been listening to a lot of Buck-Tick. I made it after listening to Dress, Victims of Love, and Sex For You a few times so I could absorb their energy and infuse it into this song!

Here’s another one for you. This plays during some of the more fun, candid scenes of the visual novel.

I’ve really been enjoying working with synthesizers. I’ve been channeling my inner Hisashi Imai!

My biggest inspirations right now are Buck-Tick, Miharu Koshi, and my beloved ACO, especially her album “Irony.” I listen to it while I’m writing when I need to really, really get into a character’s emotions.

As for voice acting, Parfum Nostalgique is only going to be partially voiced, and I mean VERY partially. Voices will only be used for a handful of lines, for scenes that could not otherwise be executed without them, and for things like laughs, scoffs, and screams that would feel half-hearted and wimpy to simply just type out. Originally, I wasn’t going to have voice acting at all, but I soon realized that voices would be necessary to fully complete the experience. A casting call will be released once I finish preparing it.

After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to make the voice acting for this project volunteer-only. There are such small amounts of dialogue for each voice actor to say that I think it would be acceptable, as long as it is clearly specified that this is not a paid project to those auditioning. This game has no budget. I’m a chronically ill person who works as a bridal alterations specialist 3 days a week. I can barely afford my own life. If I don’t manage to pull enough volunteers… I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it! I don’t want anyone to be under the impression that I feel entitled to free voice acting, but… for my own sanity, and my wallet, voices are volunteer-only.

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This is all I have the energy to write, for now. If you think I’m proofreading this thing, you’re wrong. It’s very late at night and I have not left my windowless bedroom all day because I was paralyzed from the waist down by cramps.

Tune in for more Q&A/ Ask Me Anything posts in the future! I can’t wait to share more about this game as I begin my journey into final draft stages.